“Dispatch from a Pandemic: South Pasadena, California” by Ron Koertge

Elvert Barnes


                         Aries:        corona sam

Six feet isn’t too far away from your sun sign
mate.    Can you cook?  Try duck and cover


Pace yourself.  Moon heads into your privacy sector.
Make room in your quarantine pod for a scaled-down
soiree.  Send out for solar flare soup.


You’re not the kind to think ahead, but good for you and all
that Super-Soft Charmin.  Venus will be at a perfect angle
to Saturn soon, so be generous and give some away.


Perhaps lower your standards just a bit.  It’s not organic
and it wasn’t hand-crushed by forest nymphs.  Downturns
are a given this month, but it’s still peanut butter.


Use the tools you have.  You’re nervous.  Everyone is.
Get relief from the mind’s hi-jinx by using your favorite
relaxation technique.  You know the one we mean.


Don’t let petty criticism get you down.  You’re good
at standing in line.  Time for a new life plan?  All
numbers are lucky for you but 9.   Oh, and 11.

Convergence of Pluto and Jupiter nears.  Mercury also
settles into your sign.  Nevertheless, doesn’t afternoon
drowsiness remind you of childhood?

Aren’t you the good-natured bounty-bringer!   Tip
the folks who deliver your groceries in the rain.
Tip them a lot.


Don’t overreact, act out of pique and cut off
your nose to spite your face.  For one thing, your
mask won’t stay on.


Give the universe time to settle down.  Find
those special silk pajamas that came with
the birdsong CD.


You bought a lot of bottled water.  A lot.   Even
for you.


Take time to listen to your children.  They’ve barely
begun to tunnel toward the street.   The stars do not
coddle this month.   Take the hint.

–May 3, 2020


horoscope guy

Ron Koertge is the current poet laureate of South Pasadena.  His latest book of poems is from the University of Pittsburgh Press.  It has this intriguing title: Yellow Moving Van.