Horoscope
Aries: 
Six feet isn’t too far away from your sun sign
mate. Can you cook? Try duck and cover
l’orange.
Taurus:
Pace yourself. Moon heads into your privacy sector.
Make room in your quarantine pod for a scaled-down
soiree. Send out for solar flare soup.
Gemini:
You’re not the kind to think ahead, but good for you and all
that Super-Soft Charmin. Venus will be at a perfect angle
to Saturn soon, so be generous and give some away.
Cancer:
Perhaps lower your standards just a bit. It’s not organic
and it wasn’t hand-crushed by forest nymphs. Downturns
are a given this month, but it’s still peanut butter.
Leo:
Use the tools you have. You’re nervous. Everyone is.
Get relief from the mind’s hi-jinx by using your favorite
relaxation technique. You know the one we mean.
Virgo:
Don’t let petty criticism get you down. You’re good
at standing in line. Time for a new life plan? All
numbers are lucky for you but 9. Oh, and 11.
Libra:
Convergence of Pluto and Jupiter nears. Mercury also
settles into your sign. Nevertheless, doesn’t afternoon
drowsiness remind you of childhood?
Scorpio:
Aren’t you the good-natured bounty-bringer! Tip
the folks who deliver your groceries in the rain.
Tip them a lot.
Sagittarius:
Don’t overreact, act out of pique and cut off
your nose to spite your face. For one thing, your
mask won’t stay on.
Capricorn:
Give the universe time to settle down. Find
those special silk pajamas that came with
the birdsong CD.
Aquarius:
You bought a lot of bottled water. A lot. Even
for you.
Pisces:
Take time to listen to your children. They’ve barely
begun to tunnel toward the street. The stars do not
coddle this month. Take the hint.
–May 3, 2020
✶✶✶✶
Another Chicago Magazine 