“Dispatch from a Pandemic: Shaker Heights, Ohio” by Lynda Montgomery

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Fables for Now:

 

The Dog and the Stand Mixercorona sam

They never leave, said The Dog

They’re always baking, said The Stand Mixer.

The Dog sighed twice then farted. Still, they did not leave.

It’s too difficult to fake an injury and stay consistent with the lie, said The Stand Mixer, so I’ve decided to loosen the bounds of time.

Who’s time? asked The Dog.

 The Administrator and The ER Nurse

We’re living in unprecedented times, said The Administrator.

Excuse me, I need to get by, said The ER Nurse.

I can’t hear you because of the mask you are not approved to wear, replied The Administrator.

The ER Nurse planted one foot and executed a perfect roundhouse kick to the  Administrator’s fleshy parts.

Though painful and requiring a memorandum in reply, the surprise physical contact was oddly satisfying., thought The Administrator.

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The Mound of Laundry and The Adolescent

You know, said the Mound of Laundry, you could…

I’m making a TikTok.

Your TikTok would look better if I’m not in the background, said the Mound of Laundry,

showing off a few dance moves.

Everyone’s a critic, said The Adolescent.

 

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The Pharma Executive and his Finance Guy

Can you see me? said The Pharma Executive into his laptop computer and mic.

Better that I don’t, said his Finance Guy.

Here’s what I’m thinking. Tell my if I’m right. Based on the diversification of our product lines, established leverage, and the FDA’s letting us throw whatever we’ve got at this thing, we’ll be fine.

More than fine, said the Finance Guy. His face froze in a moment of beatific repose.

Lucky bastard, said The Pharma executive. I never freeze in a good position.

 

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The Chipmunk and The Sidewalk Chalk Drawing

Have you noticed anything different? said The Chipmunk.

You’re standing on my eyeball, replied The Sidewalk Chalk Drawing.

Sorry, said The Chipmunk. But, seriously, something’s going on, right?

They’re drawing fewer guns, more rainbows, said The Sidewalk Chalk Drawing.

Interesting observation, said The Chipmunk, and licked purple dust from his paws.

 

–April 20, 2020

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Montgomery headshot (2)Lynda Montgomery’s writing has appeared in The Masters Review blog, Belt Magazine, the Los Angeles Review of Books, and december magazine. She has completed residencies for fiction at the Vermont Studio Center, Ragdale Artist Community and the Virginia Center for the Creative Arts. The Ohio Arts Council awarded her an Individual Excellence Award in FY 2020 for fiction. She works as a family physician and lives with her children in Shaker Heights, Ohio.