In a world aware of magic, Jackie wants to buy a home. But the house that is totally her is filled with history and sadness. In this confused collage of fairy tales, there is no Cinderella, Snow White, nor especially a Prince Charming. Saint George the Dragon Slayer will have to do.
Characters
JACKIE. Female, in late 20’s.
ALISON / SAINT GEORGE, THE DRAGON SLAYER, Female. Real estate agent in early 50’s. The 10th/11th century Christianmartyr.
JACK / GEORGIE PORGIE. JACKIE’s father.
SALLY. JACKIE’s mother.
Baby, Did You Tell Sadness Goodbye?
A Magical Realist Play
Lights up as ALISON unlocks the front door and ALISON and JACKIE walk into the house. JACKIE is wearing a dress made from a 1970’s floral kitchen wallpaper. JACKIE gets out an umbrella and holds it over head as they enter. ALISON walks up the creaking steps into living room which is an animated, brightly colorized, cozy, medieval fairy tale cottage with a quaint stone hearth.
ALISON
(Excited) So is this lovely? Or is this absolutely lovely?
JACKIE has lingered below the steps. She peeks into an entryway closet. A child’s doll is hanging from a noose inside on the light pull cord. JACKIE shows no emotion and walks up the stairs.
ALISON (Cont.)
Oh, Jackie, do you believe in love at first sight? This house is just so you. I can tell it already. I don’t like to say this, you know. It is really not professional. But this time I just have that magic feeling.
JACKIE laughs.
JACKIE
(Resigned) Well, let’s see it then.
Just as JACKIE starts to look around, there is a loud belching sound and the room is filled with smoke.
JACKIE (Cont.)
Did you hear something? I’m choking in here.
ALISON
What dear? What in heaven’s name are you talking about?
JACKIE
The room is filled with smoke, Alison.
ALISON
Dear, would I sell you a house like that, now would I? I’ve shown you literally hundreds of houses, haven’t I? Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not complaining. You have every right to be picky. Well maybe there is something in the notes. You want me to look it up?
ALISON gets out a notepad from her purse and starts to read.
ALISON (Cont.)
Nope, nothing here. Just something about that there may be seven cute little fellers hanging around the fireplace. But they don’t come with the house.
JACKIE
So it maybe just needs a little air freshener, huh? (JACKIE laughs knowingly and walks into kitchen) Is this the kitchen?
JACK and SALLY are sitting at a small table. SALLY is wearing curlers with a men’s pair of holey underpants over her head. JACK is wearing a prison orange jump suit. JACKIE takes this all for granted. ALISON does not see any of it.
SALLY
Oh, Jackie, baby. Could you get your serial killer daddy some cereal?
JACK
(Groaning, creepy) If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard that. (Beat) Okay, yeah, sugary and creamy. Come here and give daddy a big sloppy kiss, sweetheart.
SALLY
Now Jack, you leave the baby alone now. We are going out.
JACK changes into a red devil costume and finds a pitchfork in the pantry.
ALISON
Jackie! Can you just believe the cabinet space you’ll have here!
JACKIE
Mrs. Winslow, there’s something I have to ask you.
ALISON
Alison, dear. Alison.
JACKIE
Okay, Alison. Have you shown this house before? To anyone else, I mean?
ALISON
Why no, no, dear, it just came on the market. And if I do say so, it has your name written all over it. We’ll have to act fast to get this baby.
JACKIE
Figures. Is there a child’s room? A little girl’s room maybe. With lovely pink wallpaper. And broken dolls all over the bed?
ALISON
Well, yes, how did you know? Do you want to see it?
JACKIE
I don’t want to see it ever again.
ALISON
(Confused) Well, real estate agents can make magical things happen you know. I’ll ask them to paint the room. How about a beige? We’ll make it a condition on the offer. (Beat) Do you want to see the Master bedroom now? I’m told there might be something truly unique about it…
JACKIE
Not yet. I know I need to eventually. Not yet, Alison. Okay? Give me some time, please. (Begging) Please?
ALISON
Sure, dear. (Beat) Oh, the rec room! I just remembered. There is a theatre in the rec room! The listing said it is the absolute highlight of the house.
ALISON and JACKIE walk back to the living room. JACKIE sits down by the stone hearth.
ALISON (Cont.)
Now you just sit here for a spell, dear and soak up the atmosphere. Imagine yourself some afternoon watching your favorite inspiring romantic movie. Or something. I need to check out the garage. I’ll be back in a sec.
ALISON exits. The seven dwarfs are singing, but are unseen.
SONG:
Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho
Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho
Heigh-ho
Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho
It’s home from work we go
(Whistle)
Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho
Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho
It’s home from work we go
(Whistle)
Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho
It’s home from work we go
(Until fade)
SALLY comes in and sits by JACKIE. She is dressed as the wicked step-mother – whatever that is.
SALLY
Your father says I should buy you a new doll for your birthday. Wanna pick one out of this here big dream book?
SALLY shoves a catalog at JACKIE. JACKIE looks through it for a few minutes and points at one.
JACKIE
Momma, could I have this one? Please. She has golden hair. It looks so fine it must be real.
SALLY grabs the catalog and looks at it.
SALLY
Too expensive. Why do you always want the one that costs the most? How about this one? She’s got yellow braids too.
JACK’s voice is heard from the other room.
JACK
Sal, now you let her get the one she wants. Don’t go scrimping pennies.
SALLY
Oh, alright. Get it. Though Georgie Porgie knows diddly about what it takes to make life work with his meager salary.
JACKIE
It’s fine, Momma. The girl with the fabric braids is fine.
SALLY
No, Georgie has spoken and Georgie will know if we don’t get you Cinderella.
JACKIE
No, it’s fine, Momma. Really.
SALLY
Harumph!…
SALLY walks off spitefully. ALISON re- enters dressed as Saint George, the Dragon Slayer, with a helmet, a shield and a long spear. She protects herself with the sign of the cross.
SAINT GEORGE
Jackie, it is time we have that talk about good and evil. Your father, for example, is evil.
JACKIE
Not Daddy, He’s just a little rough around the edges.
SAINT GEORGE
Jackie, you know what he has done, what he is doing, and what he will always do. He has done it to you. Repeatedly. Still.
JACKIE
Daddy means well. It is just he has issues. Don’t we all?
SAINT GEORGE
You can’t wrap him up in pretty Christmas tinsel. He’s a dragon. He belches fire. I’m here now. Do you understand?
JACKIE
(Teasing) And who are you? My Prince Charming?
SAINT GEORGE
(Laughing) No. That’s a fairy tale, my dear. There’s no time for that now. Why are you carrying an umbrella? You must believe it is raining? This is just logic, my young lady.
JACKIE
Yes, maybe it is.
SAINT GEORGE
And why is that? I am not holding an umbrella. I don’t believe it is raining, do I?
JACKIE
No, you are carrying a shield and a spear.
SAINT GEORGE
And why do you think I do? There is evil in the world, sure, and it is what I am fighting, but there does not have to be rain. Think about it for yourself. Did you hear that dragon belch several minutes ago? I speared him and extinguished his fire. That was why there was smoke. Do you understand? It was your father.
JACKIE
But that’s impossible. I saw my father a few minutes after that. In the kitchen.
SAINT GEORGE
And you still believe in classical realism after all you have been through? You silly girl. I’ll be waiting for you. On the other side of your grief perhaps.
SAINT GEORGE, THE DRAGON SLAYER, dies painfully and then walks casually off the stage. JACK enters the room still dressed as the Devil carrying his pitchfork. He is smoking a cigar and the smoke is very heavy.
JACK
(Tenderly) Baby, did your Mom get you that pretty doll like I asked her? Show it to me.
JACKIE reaches down under the seat and pulls out the doll and shows it to her daddy. She is smiling.
JACKIE
Oh, thank you, Daddy. It is so lovely and I wouldn’t have had it if it was not for you.
JACK
(Creepy, bending to hug her) So give your daddy a big sloppy kiss.
JACKIE hesitates. JACK takes the doll and throws it, smashing it against the stone hearth.
JACK (Cont.)
You love that doll more than you love me!
JACKIE
No, no, I don’t, Daddy. Why do you say that?
JACK changes back into his orange prison jump suit and goes off stage being dragged by unseen powers, enveloped in his cloud of smoke. ALISON, the real estate agent, re-enters the room.
ALISON
And, if we put it in the offer, the entire library of classic films, I’m sure, can stay with the house. Snow White. Cinderella. The Murders in the Rue Morgue. Frankenstein.
JACKIE
Oh, I don’t know if I’ll need that. I won’t have time to watch the old movies anymore, will I? Did I tell you? I’m getting married now. Well, eventually. That is, I mean, some time. I’m not afraid anymore. Let’s just say, when I grow up. Maybe to that person with the sword and shield? Was that a man or a woman? Whatever, he or she was kind of cute and gallant.
ALISON
I’ll ask for the movies anyway. It doesn’t hurt. Maybe for when you have your own children someday, Jackie … (Beat) The Master bedroom now, Jackie? We only told the current owners we’d be here an hour. We want to be gone before they get back, don’t we?
JACKIE nods. They walk down the hall slowly. JACKIE enters the bedroom. There are ropes with nooses and whips hanging from the ceiling, and antique guns framed on all the walls. SALLY is in a hospice bed with an I.V. She is gasping for breath. ALISON does not see any of this.
JACKIE
(To SALLY) Mom, I’m sorry. So very sorry. I’ll never know what you must have gone through. (Beat) With Daddy’s jail and everything. (Decidedly) But I’m buying the house. Everything will be okay now.
SALLY
Ba…bie….did…you ….
JACKIE
Yes, Momma, I did.
Blackbirds fly out of JACKIE’s umbrella. After they have ceased, JACKIE folds up the umbrella and puts it into an empty frame on the wall. Curtain.
END OF PLAY
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Paul Dickey is an American poet, author, philosophy instructor, and playwright who has published three books of poetry and two full-length plays. His play, “The Good News According to St. Dude,” analyzes and dramatizes the disillusion of the 1960s youth counter-culture. Dickey has published flash fiction, short plays, creative non-fiction, and poetry in multiple genres, including prose poetry, formal verse—both serious and comic, and free verse. His poetry and flash fiction has appeared over 200 online and print publications. Mr. Dickey won the 2015 Master Poet award from the Nebraska Arts Council.
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Veronica Winters, MFA is a contemporary Russian-American artist, art instructor and book author who illuminates the beauty and power of the feminine spirit through her figurative paintings. The artist is nationally recognized for her colored pencil work in the art art instruction books The Colored Pencil Manual and How to Color Like an Artist (Dover Publications.) Veronica’s art and writing has been published in numerous magazines and art books, including Strokes of Genius, Leisure Painter, Colored Pencil Magazine, Guide Artists, American Art Collector and International Artist Magazine. Veronica continues to create art with intention in her studio located in Naples, Florida.
Another Chicago Magazine 