Setting
2017 Paris, France in the catacombs during a terrorist attack.
Characters
BIANKA
Twenties, American. In a relationship with Omar.
OMAR
Twenties, French native of Arabic descent. Head strong and claustrophobic. In a relationship with Bianka.
EMMA
Twenties, French. naïve.
BENJI
Twenties, French. Kind of a dick. Keeps his hands in his jacket pockets all the time.
As We Are Underground
Within the catacomb tunnels lies a single tablet in the center of a small room, the walls covered in skulls.
(Four people are hiding there in pairs: OMAR and BIANKA huddle together on one side, BENJI and EMMA stand idly apart on the other. They seem like they have been waiting for a while.)
OMAR
I wonder how much longer.
BIANKA
I don’t know, it’s been awhile since we felt a bomb go off.
(Benji scoffs to himself on the other side of the room. Omar notices but doesn’t say anything.)
EMMA
How long has it been? My phone died.
BENJI
Do I have to check every thirty minutes? Last time you asked it was eight o’clock.
EMMA
Do you have to be such a dick about it?
BENJI
I’m not trying to have both of our phones die on us while we’re trapped underground.
OMAR
Our cell phones don’t have service down here either way.
BENJI
Did I ask you?
OMAR
I’m just saying. I already tried calling someone.
BENJI (laughing)
I’m sure.
BIANKA
What?
OMAR (closing eyes)
Just ignore him.
BENJI (muttering)
I’m sure you tried texting your boys.
(Emma and Bianka look at each other, both confused.)
BIANKA
I get that you’re stressed—we all are, but if you’re going to open your mouth you might as well say it instead of being passive aggressive.
BENJI
I don’t have to say anything.
(Bianka sits back down next to Omar, who is now shaking.)
EMMA
What if the ceiling collapses? Or the walls fall and crush us in this tiny room?
BENJI
That’s not going to happen.
EMMA
How do you know? There have been cave-ins before. I think that’s why there aren’t many tall buildings around here.
BENJI
You know, you aren’t helping.
OMAR
Yes—please stop going into detail.
(Omar holds his mouth to keep from barfing.)
EMMA
Is he alright?
BIANKA
He’s claustrophobic.
EMMA
Must feel like a nightmare then!
OMAR
Pretty much.
(He starts feeling faint and holds on to Bianka for support.)
BIANKA (to the audience)
As tragic as this situation is…this is the most vulnerable he’s been around me, and I’m loving every second of it.
BENJI
You sure he isn’t having a panic attack because he’s trapped himself in here?
EMMA (laughs awkwardly)
What?
BENJI
You heard him earlier—he tried calling someone. Probably one of his buddies to try and tell them he’s lost in the catacombs and to disengage the bomb he’s planted deep within the old mines.
EMMA
Benji!
BIANKA
Are you always this racist? Or is the thick air starting to get to your head?
(Omar stands up and tries to ignore his nausea.)
OMAR
He’s been giving me looks since we bumped into each other—
BENJI
—That’s not true.
OMAR
—making snide comments to himself.
BENJI
I’m not racist!
(He inches closer to Omar.)
OMAR (getting even closer)
Whatever. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll cut the bullshit.
(Benji waits until Omar walks back to Bianka before muttering to himself.)
BENJI
Or else what? You’ll blow us all up?
(Benji flails his arms mockingly.)
BENJI
Oh I’m so scared, oh me, oh my!
EMMA
Benji! That’s enough! Why are you instigating?
BENJI
I’m not afraid of him.
EMMA
You just said he planted a bomb. Are you not afraid of dying? Because I am!
BENJI
I mean if a bomb does go off, chances are we all die. I don’t think this guy is the type to put his own life on the line.
BIANKA
Do you hear yourself? What are you a supremacist?
BENJI
There are more white supremacist groups in America than France so you can’t even talk. You’ve got more than Germany and Russia combined!
OMAR
Why reference Russia? I mean I could understand Germany but—
BENJI
Because it’s fucking huge if you haven’t noticed.
BIANKA
What makes you think I’m American?
BENJI
I can tell by your accent—it’s shit.
BIANKA (shocked)
You’re a real pleasure to be around you know that?
BIANKA (turning to Emma)
How did you get stuck with this asshole?
EMMA (embarrassed)
He uhm…asked me out.
OMAR
Bianka, don’t waste your breath.
BENJI (laughing)
Oh ho ho, you’re going to call me a racist with the name Bianka?
BIANKA
It’s Polish.
BENJI
It’s “white” is what it is.
BIANKA
I mean, most Polish people are.
BENJI (using air quotes)
“White,” “shining,” “fair,” “God’s Promise…”
BIANKA
Is that the Wikipedia definition?
BENJI
It’s a fact, I read it online.
BIANKA
And everything on the internet is true…
EMMA
It’s the same as the French “Blanche.”
OMAR
How did you come across that on the internet?
(Emma side-eyes Benji.)
BENJI
I was browsing. You know—like when you’ve been on the internet so long you get into a rabbit hole?
BIANKA
You have a kid?
BENJI
No.
EMMA
Are you having a child?! A girl?
BENJI
Why is everyone interrogating me?
OMAR
So it’s okay for you to accuse people of terrorism, but we can’t point the finger towards you being a father?
BENJI
Don’t you have to go throw up somewhere? You’re looking a little green.
OMAR
How about I throw up on you?
BENJI
Try and get me wet then.
(He shimmies towards Omar.)
OMAR
If I wasn’t feeling like shit I would hit you.
BENJI
If I wasn’t such a gentleman I would beat the shit out of you.
EMMA
Ben, who is it with?
BENJI
I don’t have a kid! Even if I did, it’s not any of your business.
EMMA
Isn’t it? You took me out on a date. Tonight. Here! We’re dating are we not?
BENJI
It’s just our first date.
OMAR (confused)
And you brought her to the catacombs?
BENJI
I think they’re cool.
EMMA (sarcastic)
Oh yeah, amazing. Good idea!
BENJI
Listen, I didn’t know there was going to be a fucking terrorist attack. Sorry, should have given you a heads up.
BIANKA
I mean, it is cool, minus the situation we’re currently in. I’ve never seen anything like this.
BENJI
See?
OMAR
I wonder where the rest of the tour has gone…
BIANKA
I’m not sure. I heard a bunch of screaming. It was hard to make out where from, with all the shaking.
(Slow beat.)
OMAR (to Emma and Benji)
You didn’t see them did you?
(They shake their heads.)
BENJI
I’m sure they aren’t too far.
BIANKA
Yeah, but where is the question. I’m not sure how we’ll find our way back out.
EMMA
We could get trapped in here.
OMAR
Emma was it?
EMMA
Yeah.
OMAR
Again—
EMMA
Sorry!
BENJI
Like As Above, So Below…
OMAR
What’s that?
BENJI
It’s an American film. Did you see it?
(He nods to Bianka.)
BIANKA
Yeah…I don’t remember much of it though.
(Omar gives her a look and smiles.)
BENJI
That’s why I wanted to come here…
EMMA
I was terrified for that exact reason!
BENJI
Well you didn’t protest…
EMMA
You didn’t ask.
BENJI
That’s why they call it a surprise, Emma.
EMMA
Okay, but what was I supposed to do? Decline and ruin the whole date?
BENJI
I mean, it’s safe to say the date is already ruined. Maybe if you said “no” we wouldn’t be here in the first place. Maybe even somewhere else…kissing.
(He bites his lip in a failed attempt to be sexy.)
BIANKA
Now I’m nauseous.
EMMA
How are you placing blame on me now? It wasn’t even my idea.
(Benji puts his hands up.)
BENJI
I’m just saying, in theory.
EMMA (imitating)
In theory!
BENJI
I mean, I’ve been interested in the catacombs before that movie came out. I read about the secret societies that pass by around here. I’ve snuck into a few concerts, gatherings, but I’ve yet to find any other dwellers pass by though.
BIANKA
So you’ve been here before? You’ve snuck in?
BENJI
Many times.
BIANKA
Why go on a tour then, if you’ve snuck in successfully on your own?
BENJI
I was getting to that—after I saw the film, it had me thinking, what are they hiding?
OMAR
Who?
BENJI
Whoever owns the catacombs! There are dozens of restricted sections in these tunnels. What are they hiding?
OMAR
He’s a cataphile…
BENJI
I’ve snuck in multiple times—both with my friends and alone—but believe it or not there’s more security that patrols the outside during closing hours. They’ve had even tighter security since all the terrorist attacks lately.
BIANKA
So you figure go on a tour and sneak away while the attention isn’t on you?
BENJI
Exactly.
OMAR
I don’t see what terrorists could want with skulls and skeletons.
BENJI
It’s a monument. They don’t care. They hit the Louvre Museum, the IMF office, the airport, Notre Dame, the barracks…
OMAR
They attack people, mostly soldiers or policemen. So if anything, they’re increasing the chance of a terrorist attack by adding more security guards.
EMMA (somber)
There was also those two girls at Marseille-Saint Charles Station. They were stabbed to death…
BENJI
That’s what I’m saying!
EMMA
I went to school with one of the girls.
BENJI
One seventeen, one twenty. They don’t care who it is. They just want attention either way.
(Beat.)
BENJI (looking at Omar)
How did you get here anyway?
OMAR
What do you mean? We already established that we got lost.
BENJI
How did you get lost if you were with the tour?
OMAR
We snuck off.
BENJI
Gee, I wonder why!
OMAR
We’ve been together for almost a year—it’s not strange to sneak off with your girlfriend to get some privacy, is it?
EMMA (to Benji)
So…you snuck us away, not because you wanted to be alone with me, but because you wanted to find a restricted room?
BENJI
You catch on quick.
EMMA
You’re a dick.
BENJI
Well I found one!
BENJI (imitating Emma)
Thanks Benji you’re so cool!
BENJI (breaks character)
You’re welcome. You’d rather me not respect you and fuck on the first date underground in the catacombs? Wow Emma, I never pegged you as a fun girl but sure, I guess if you’re offering…
EMMA
I wasn’t!
OMAR
I never said anything about fucking either.
BENJI
You might as well have! I’m not stupid.
BIANKA
Umm…
BENJI
Shut up! You’re all focusing on me in the middle of all this when you should be looking at him.
(He points to Omar.)
OMAR
I haven’t done anything. Not that I have to prove myself to you, but I’m a French native. I love my country, and I love my family too. The only thing I hate in this country are people like you who claim that you tolerate other religions while banning burqas and hijabs. Your so-called “secularism” can’t exist when you have crosses above most doors in your public buildings.
(Omar’s phone alarm goes off.)
EMMA
What’s that?
OMAR
Just my phone alarm.
(He turns it off.)
BENJI
Hell no, this is what I’m talking about. Get on the fucking ground!
OMAR
What?
(Benji points a gun at Omar through his jacket. Everyone gasps.)
BENJI
I said get on the fucking ground! Both of you! Kick your phones this way!
(Omar and Bianka put their hands up and kneel on the ground. Benji pulls Omar closer to him.)
BIANKA
Oh my god! Listen—
EMMA
—You had a gun this whole time?!
BENJI (spitting while he talks)
I said kick your fucking phones over!
(Omar and Bianka do as he says.)
OMAR
Alright, there’s no need to shoot the gun, just put it down, please.
BENJI
Emma, get their phones.
(Emma groans.)
BENJI
Get the fucking phones!
EMMA (crying)
Okay.
(She retrieves them and stands behind Benji again.)
EMMA
Please don’t kill anyone, we’re fine. Everything’s fine.
OMAR
I think I’m going to puke.
(Bianka reaches out to help him.)
OMAR
Stay there. I’ll be fine (groans) Oh—fuck, please turn—
(He tries to say as he throws up on the floor.)
(Benji makes a scrunched face.)
BENJI
Oh, that is disgusting. Okay scoot away from it—it’s getting all over you.
(As Benji talks, an OFFICER runs from off-stage and charges him.)
BENJI
Okay, so! I want you to—
(The officer tackles him to the ground.)
BENJI
Oh fuck! You’re crushing my ribs, get off me!
(The officer crushes Benji and manages to get his arms behind his back.)
OFFICER
Where’s the gun?
BENJI
No gun! It was my hand, see? I’m free, you can let me go!
(The officer lifts him up after handcuffing him.)
OFFICER
I’ll escort you all out. You definitely can’t walk away from pointing a pretend gun at what looks like hostages. You could be with the terrorists.
EMMA
So you found them?
OFFICER
We have a few suspects, and a lead on where the others might be. It definitely wasn’t a single person responsible. Members of Blanc.
BIANKA
Blanc?
OMAR
A white supremacist group in France.
BENJI
The only one in fact—I’m not one of them!
OFFICER
Yeah, for your sake, I hope you’re not lying.
BENJI
I’m not!
(The officer starts dragging him in a direction towards the exit before he stops and looks up at Omar.)
OFFICER
I’m sorry.
OFFICER (to everyone)
Follow me, I’ll get you all back to the surface.
(Officer, Benji, and Emma exit left stage.)
(Bianka caresses Omar’s cheek.)
BIANKA
I’m sorry you threw up. You’re still the cutest man alive if that helps.
OMAR
Let’s just get out of here.
(Bianka kisses his cheek and retrieves their phones from the floor.)
BIANKA
After you.
End of play.
✶✶✶✶
Dakota Dowd is currently a senior in college studying creative writing and women’s gender and sexuality studies. Her works are greatly influenced by her perspective as a person of trans-experience, who sees the world through an uncommon lense. This is reflective in many of her pieces with recurring themes of isolation, prejudice, and the rebellion of so-called destiny as an attempt to indoctrinate readers and shed a light on less represented aspects of modern society.
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