Characters
THE OLDER DIRECTOR – in his 40s
THE YOUNGER DIRECTOR – in his 20s
The Right Direction
Hollywood. Two male film directors, one older, one younger. They are in the Older Director’s office.
OLDER
I’m going to have to let you go.
YOUNGER
I see.
OLDER
It’s not that I don’t appreciate your work here. You have been a stellar intern. And I don’t use that word lightly.
YOUNGER
Intern?
OLDER
Stellar. You have been – you have never complained, or, or, been afraid to go beyond the call of duty. The coffee has always been hot. But what you pulled. It is unacceptable.
YOUNGER
Is it?
OLDER
You went over my head. And now I am going to feed you to the wolves.
YOUNGER
Listen to you: Feed me to the wolves? Who talks like that?
OLDER
Show some respect. I am older than you.
YOUNGER
Are you? I hadn’t noticed.
OLDER
Yes I am older than you. Do you know what that means?
YOUNGER
We shop at different stores?
OLDER
No. No, that’s not what I – why, where do you shop?
YOUNGER
Me? That place on, uh –
OLDER
– on where?
YOUNGER
– in the Hills, by the place where we filmed the nude scene.
OLDER
The nude scene, which one?
YOUNGER
The one we both still watch when we’re lonely.
OLDER
Ho ho. There? You shop there?
YOUNGER
Yes.
OLDER
I’d never have – well, I’m not saying it’s a bad place to shop, but all right, yes, I guess you’re right. Clothes make the man and we are different men. You are young and shop in the Hills. And I am older and have my shirts custom made. A personal tailor is always better than a store. That is a piece of wisdom and it is free.
YOUNGER
I’ll keep it in mind.
OLDER
Don’t – don’t be smart, I am trying to help. All I have done is try to help you. And then you do this. You go over my head, you pitch a project, you use my name to get in the door. How does that make me look?
YOUNGER
It’s a good idea. It’s better than good. It’s right.
OLDER
Ho ho. Well. I see. You think you’re going to come into this business and rule it because you’re full of lofty ideals. Because that’s never been done before. I will tell you: it is not right. The script is right. You have a good script. But casting that woman as the lead. My boy, that is definitely not right.
YOUNGER
No?
OLDER
No. For one thing –
YOUNGER
– yes? –
OLDER
– it’s just –
YOUNGER
– what?
OLDER
Look, are we talking about the same script? Mine was blue, was yours blue?
YOUNGER
Yes.
OLDER
You can never tell. I once read an action pic on a Wednesday, by Thursday it was a drama about a poodle with AIDS.
YOUNGER
I saw that, I liked it.
OLDER
So did I. It was very –
YOUNGER
– very real.
OLDER
You see, that’s the sort of film you would cast her in.
YOUNGER
The poodle with AIDS.
OLDER
Right. But this? This – it’s a prison movie.
YOUNGER
So?
OLDER
So have you ever been to prison?
YOUNGER
Have you?
OLDER
I have spent some time there, yes.
YOUNGER
Do tell.
OLDER
It was – look, you want to hear my war stories, we’ll go have a drink. For now, let me tell you. Generally speaking, and no I can’t say this with any real authority because it’s a crazy world out there, but generally, to the best of my knowledge, anywhere in North America, which is where this film is taking place, generally, to the best of my knowledge, in North America women and men do not share the same prison.
YOUNGER
No?
OLDER
No.
YOUNGER
Oh. Well that changes everything. I’m glad we had this talk.
OLDER
Are you – don’t patronize me.
YOUNGER
Or what? You’ll get an old prison buddy to attack me in the shower?
OLDER
That’s –
YOUNGER
– is that all you had to say to me? Because I have a dog that needs feeding.
OLDER
Look. I am trying to give you the benefit of my – I was making movies when you were eating paste.
YOUNGER
Given the food in the cafeteria, that could have been yesterday.
OLDER
Ho ho, don’t get me started on that.
YOUNGER
I know, right?
OLDER
What they call the lunch special –
YOUNGER
– I know.
OLDER
I could bleed better gravy.
YOUNGER
I know.
OLDER
But my point, you get my point? Listen. It’s a prison movie. You can’t just cast her to suit some whim.
YOUNGER
What you call whim, I call artistic vision.
OLDER
Artistic vision? Let me give you some advice. You have artistic vision, sell it. Sell that and a pint of blood and maybe you’ll have enough for the latest Variety.
YOUNGER
Is that what you did?
OLDER
No. I never had artistic vision. I wasn’t foolish enough.
YOUNGER
You won’t even listen, will you? You’re so set in your ways you can’t even comprehend a new idea. That’s why you’re firing me.
OLDER
This is not about that. I told you, you went over my head.
YOUNGER
Because you wouldn’t listen. Because you never listen to anyone who wasn’t born before the Internet.
OLDER
All right. All right, I am listening. Give me your vision.
YOUNGER
Shall I?
OLDER
Please. Astound me with your new ideas.
YOUNGER
You really want to hear it?
OLDER
Do I ever.
YOUNGER
All right. All right, Shakespeare –
OLDER
– [sighs] –
YOUNGER
– don’t do that, these days whenever someone does Shakespeare, what happens? They bastardize him. What the hell, he’s not around, and some say he wasn’t ever around to begin with. So who cares, right? Make Richard III a paraplegic, turn Lear into an alcoholic. Whatever. But mostly, and this is the important part, the thing everyone does is cross-gender casting. Cast Hamlet as a twelve year old girl and see what happens.
OLDER
I saw that.
YOUNGER
Last summer at the –
OLDER
– at the Playhouse, friend of mine played Polonius.
YOUNGER
Right, played him as a –
OLDER
– as a –
BOTH
– as a Republican.
They have a good laugh.
YOUNGER
That was the production that made me, no, inspired me, I should say. Inspired me to this point.
OLDER
To cast a woman.
YOUNGER
Yes.
OLDER
In an all male prison flick.
YOUNGER
Yes.
OLDER
But what, and I’m sorry, perhaps it’s the Alzheimer’s so bear with me, what is a woman doing in an all male prison?
YOUNGER
She’s not.
OLDER
Sorry?
YOUNGER
She’s not doing anything. She’s not a woman.
OLDER
I see, she’s a woman disguised as a man. All right, yes, I admit it has a certain farcical appeal, a sort of “Victor/Victoria” meets “The Birdman of Alcatraz”, all right –
YOUNGER
– no. She’s not a woman disguised as a man. She’s a woman. Playing a man. But not even – not even necessarily dressed like one or….it’s just a, a, a, whatdoyoucallit?
OLDER
A gimmick.
YOUNGER
No.
OLDER
When we did stunts like that in my day, it was called a gimmick.
YOUNGER
It’s a selling point. Social commentary as marketing tool. Gender-blind casting, do you see? The potential. If we – the secret to equality is not to make laws that assure everyone is treated equally but to make people forget that everyone is not equal.
OLDER
Everyone is not equal?
YOUNGER
Of course everyone is not equal. Go to a bar, who are the bartenders? Pretty girls, of course. In this country a pretty girl always has a job. You on the other hand are lucky if they’ll let you do extra workon a commercial. But if we make people forget that – forget that she’s a pretty girl –
OLDER
– but that’s why you’ve cast her.
YOUNGER
What?
OLDER
You’ve cast her because she’s a pretty girl. You certainly didn’t cast her because she’s a good actress.
YOUNGER
Well, she’s not bad –
OLDER
– she’s –
YOUNGER
– she’s all right –
OLDER
– there are children in community theatre who are better than her.
YOUNGER
All right, yes, but the statement, that’s the important thing, the statement that is being made. To render gender meaningless, that is my purpose.
OLDER
Are you sleeping with her? You are, aren’t you?
YOUNGER
I told you, I came up with this while watching Shakespeare.
OLDER
But you want to sleep with her.
YOUNGER
I cast her because it’s important to make a statement. In this world. In this business. We’ve become a joke. Everyone knows we’re only interested in money. We get X to direct Y and Z to be the requisite girl wearing swimwear and throw in A and B to point guns at each other and hire C to say catchy one liners. But what of, and here is my point, what of the rest of the alphabet? What of D and E and F? Do you see? That is who I am. I am the letters D and E and F.
OLDER
You’re the letters S – H – I – T, you ask me.
YOUNGER
A tired joke. You see? That joke is like you. Old and tired. I’m sorry you don’t see it my way. And I’m sorry that we won’t be able to work together anymore.
OLDER
As am I. As am I. It’s too bad you are throwing it away.
YOUNGER
Throwing what away?
OLDER
The one thing men get on their knees for.
YOUNGER
Talent?
OLDER
Potential. But no, hold onto your integrity. It’s a pretty thing, really. But it won’t help you out there in the world. I took you in. You were nothing and I gave you a chance. And now you are out, do you understand? You are gone.
A cellphone rings.
OLDER
Is that mine or yours?
YOUNGER
It’s mine.
Answers
Hello? Yes? I see. Yes. All right. I’ll see you then.
Hangs up
Well.
OLDER
Who was it, your mother?
YOUNGER
Actually, it was your wife.
OLDER
My…
YOUNGER
Your wife. She’s one of my investors.
OLDER
Investors?
YOUNGER
You usually need them to make a movie.
OLDER
I don’t understand.
YOUNGER
Your wife loved my idea. She’s the one who suggested I go over your head.
OLDER
My wife told you.
YOUNGER
It seems she knows everyone. It seems she has a lot of influence.
OLDER
Because of me.
YOUNGER
Well who cares why? The point is, we’ve been approved.
OLDER
What?
YOUNGER
They’ve given me the green light.
OLDER
Who?
YOUNGER
Your bosses.
OLDER
They –
YOUNGER
– yes.
OLDER
They approved it?
YOUNGER
We open next Christmas.
OLDER
I see.
YOUNGER
Your wife’s a smart girl.
OLDER
Yes. Well. That’s why I married her.
Pause.
YOUNGER
You need a job?
OLDER
Absolutely.
Blackout.
✶✶✶✶
Joel Fishbane is the author of The Thunder of Giants (St. Martin’s Press) and numerous other works of fiction, theatre, and film. For more information, talk to his mother (she’s very friendly)!
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✶
Robert Casella lives in Las Vegas, Nevada.
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