CASEY: Okay, so [Jessa sneezes]…bless you. We’re watching The Future by Miranda July.
JESSA: I really liked the first one—You, Me, and Everyone We Know. But I think it’s one of those things where people look down at you like it’s pretentious or you’re a hipster if you like that movie. You know what I mean by that?
CASEY: Yeah. But she’s well liked, isn’t she? I get she’s quirky and people might think that could overshadow a good story or something. Why does she do that little baby voice thing? She does it like when her characters are making art or something.
JESSA: Oh. I don’t know.
CASEY: What’s the next thing we talk about? How do I transition here? So beds.
JESSA: We can talk about how I want to get on a better sleeping schedule but I can’t.
CASEY: Yeah, you want to get to bed earlier so you can get up early for work. But the main problem is really that we both want to go to the gym and I keep saying that I’ll go the gym in the morning at like 6am. But I don’t have to get up that early so I don’t, plus I’d rather go to they gym with you because I’m very loving and I like spending time with you.
JESSA: But then you don’t get off work until 6pm while I’m done at 4 or so and I have to wait and then go to the gym until like 8 and then try to have dinner which is too late and then that’s like the end of the night because to keep the schedule I’m crashing at around 10.
CASEY: Oh, is it the cat? The baby voice is the cat narrating I think. So that’s all true. But we’re working on the schedule. It would be healthier. Let’s talk about what sort of TV we like on while going to bed. When we do put on TV then. Which happened more back in our apartment in Rogers Park because we had another TV but we gave it to one of the moving men when we moved to Memphis. Even though they were awful and showed up three hours late with like two sixty-year-old guys who smoked cigars the whole time and one guy who had, literally, a broken arm.
JESSA: Yeah, we just ran out of room in the U-Haul. I would like to say that if we were to switch to a policy of watching TV while we’re trying to fall asleep I would get way better sleep. And I know that’s contradictory to everything everyone says. You’re supposed to shut everything off and have like a cool down time. So no food after a certain hour. You’re not supposed to watch the news or read any books. You have your nighttime ritual—wash your face, brush your teeth—and you’re supposed to turn off the light and close your eyes and that’s it. But I don’t know anyone who operates that way. When I was a teenager I would put big headphones on and sleep with those playing. The cord reached across the room and I’d wake up with the headphones all twisted around my head. I guess I could’ve killed myself, but I never did. So that was good.
CASEY: That is good. I’m glad you didn’t. I used to do the same thing sometimes when I was a kid, like in elementary school. But I had those flat like padded earphones that just sat on top of your ears. And I would listen to my Walkman to like the Raiders of the Lost Ark soundtrack or the Home Alone score. I’d do it when I woke up to, like to start the day, for 15 minutes before I got up to get ready for school.
JESSA: Yeah, exactly. So I still do that but with my laptop I’ll fall asleep to a quiet talking podcast like This American Life or Radiolab. Or any documentary on Netflix.
CASEY: Yeah we watched pretty much all of The Presidents while falling asleep. I kinda like how when you watch it that way there are always parts you miss, like new facts that get filled in so it’s a totally rewarding experience when you watch it again. Sometimes you just wanna fall asleep watching Little Mermaid though.
JESSA: I wanna do that right now. I should wake up around 4 tomorrow so I can finish things for the week. That would help me fall asleep quicker. I don’t know what’s going on in this movie now that we’re talking over it. Hey, according to the internet in the US in the year 2011 there were five girls born named Moo. M-O-O.
JESSA: I don’t know why like how something like that becomes a thing that happens, but I know that I know because of Pinterest and it is a fact. I also know that there were five boys named Swayze. And six boys named Draper. That one I know the why is because of Mad Men. Six girls named Tomorrow. And that’s a nice name. Tomorrow is cute. And yet there’s only one more parent in American that would name their kid Tomorrow than they would Moo?
CASEY: This says there were seven boys named Tron.
JESSA: M’hmm. And Onesty with an O or how’s this—Aunisty. People are stupid.
CASEY: Someone named their kid King Solomon. And Princecharles . One word.
JESSA: Well my daughter’s name is Clementine. So…
CASEY: None of this has to do with sleep. Except that baby-making does occur mostly in beds. And we do mess around on our laptops in bed a lot. So I think we’re still on task here.
JESSA: I’m on Buzzfeed now.
CASEY: [reading over shoulder] Who is that?
JESSA: Okay, now I don’t remember exactly what it is, but I think Pappy DreWitt draws a little character and teaches you how to draw it. Like, “Here’s a dog on a motorcycle. I’ll teach you how to draw it.”
CASEY: And what’s that?
JESSA: The Aggro-Crag from Guts. It was a physical challenge show on Nickelodeon for kids and they have challenges for jock kids and they have to like swing on a thing until something hits them and then at the end they have to crawl up this mountain.
CASEY: Crawl it?
JESSA: They have to scale the, well it’s a not a mountain. It’s a Styrofoam thing. So they don’t scale it. And they drop rocks on your head and you have to get flags to collect points.
CASEY: See, so relating this to a point about beds: we never had cable as a kid.
JESSA: Neither did I.
CASEY: Wait how did you know those things?
JESSA: I didn’t know that first thing and then I only got to watch the second at my grandma’s house.
CASEY: Well anyway, I had a black and white TV in my room, so in the summer or when I was sick, because otherwise it was too late, I would fall asleep watching Conan, like when it first started in ’93 or something. And now we have Todd Levin, a writer for Conan, in our book. Our book about beds.
JESSA: It all comes full circle.
CASEY: Indeed it does.
JESSA: Which means we should go to sleep.
The Way We Sleep is published by Curbside Splendor in a handsome 10 x 10, glossy coffee table style layout and filled with short stories, interviews, and comics all dealing with the way we sleep, which is sure to delight readers everywhere, particularly those who sleep, and especially those who sleep in beds. You can purchase it by clicking here.
C. James Bye is the co-founder and Arts and Media editor of Knee-Jerk Magazine. He insists on being the little spoon, despite his six-foot three-and-half inch frame.
Jessa Bye was the web editor of Monkeybicycle for three years. She kicks off her socks when she sleeps, and her husband has to pick them up. Like, every single morning.
Check out the rest of The Way We Sleep’s Blog Tour below. Keep up to date at thewaywesleep.com.